"At 1:09 p.m., a resident reported he wants a woman removed from his boat."
"At 5:09 p.m., a caller reported he saw a man hit a woman with an oar and then threw her into the water in the area of Torpedo Rd. and W. Pioneer Way."
Problem solved.
Chattanooga, TN
“Police interviewed a "very intoxicated" man on South Broad Street.
He said he had just run a gauntlet of terror on 33rd Street.
He said it included a pack of dogs that ran at him, a man who shined a spotlight on him and told him to "get out of here," and someone who threw bricks at him.
Officers scanned 33rd Street and could not find any mischief.”
From the creators of “Cops” and “American Gladiators" comes “Honky-Tonk Half-Mile”. Players spend happy hour at a local liquor-serving establishment and then have to fend their way through the mean streets of BFE. Winning contestants will be awarded 100,000 Marlboro coupons! Coming to Fox this fall.
Chattanooga, TN
“A man reported that someone broke into his vehicle.
Items missing include a stun gun and three Alabama collectible knives with bone handles and the words "Bear Bryant: End of an Era."
Thank god he had taken his Richard Petty commemorative plates out of the car that morning or this would have been a tragedy.
Oak Harbor, WA
“At 6:54 p.m., a NE Kettle Street resident reported the Kirby vacuum cleaner men were being pushy.”
An unintended, yet delightfully entertaining pun.
Chattanooga, TN
“A man said he was staying at the Residence Marriott Inn downtown and met a white female at the Market Street Tavern. He said she was wearing a T-shirt that said, "Blah. Blah. Blah."
He said he bought her a drink, and she mentioned she would like some coffee. He invited her to his motel room.
He said he fell asleep while they were lying on the bed watching TV. When he awoke, the woman was gone. So was his new Ipod still in the box, credit cards, cell phone, wrist watch, $150 cash and his wedding band.
Asked to identify her, he said she gave him the name Gwen. He said he had guessed she was 50, but that upset her because she said she was only 46. He said she told him she was staying with her mother and other family at the Best Western.
But he said for all he knew she might just be one of the homeless women he saw on the street.”
A man with no game or shame. “Eh, she could’ve been one of those flesh-eating zombies from 28 Days Later, but bitch took my wedding ring!”
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